Who am I?

Know Thyself. What does that mean? To know oneself is to understand one’s capabilities, restrictions, values, thought process, and behavior. Or it can be the ability to discover one’s true identity. The expression “Know Thyself” is very malleable. Many people have different definitions of what it means to know thyself. Whether it is some grand romantic ideal to discover one’s true essence, or something as simple as recognizing one’s behavior patterns; the expression “Know Thyself” is invaluable in human insight. Self knowledge has many uses. One can find one’s strengths, to find one’s limitations on one’s abilities. In addition, one can use self knowledge to understand oneself. For many people the idea of self knowledge is frightening, some people are scared to discover their flaws and weaknesses. For other people, they are afraid to look for their strengths because their entire lives have been spent in self degradation. Nevertheless, knowing oneself is essential because as one begins to know oneself, one begins to understand the personalities and natures of other people. For me, self discovery is the first step to a fuller and more complete comprehension of the world.

Although I would rather not admit it, my weakness is my hypocritical nature. While I fervently argue for Thoreau’s ideals, I contradict them with my lifestyle. I take advantage of many materialistic things such as my cell phone, video games, and the laptop that I use to write this blog with. Additionally, Thoreau once said "Simplify. Simplify. Simplify." I wish I could live by that statement but that would be a lie. Constantly, I am fretting about college and school. Often times I complicate things that should be simple. But above all, I sit at home and comfortably enjoy the benefits of technology. Thoreau lived in the woods for two years. As a result, he can justify his beliefs through his experiences. Regrettably, I have not yet set up a tent in my backyard.

Living with an awareness of my hypocrisy is not easy. In the past, I would just ignore it. Deep inside I knew I was the very thing that I hated but I kept that to myself. Yet, living a lie is not something that I want to do. Consequently, I have spent many hours pondering on my identity. The essential question for me is: "If my actions and beliefs contradict, then who am I?" Unfortunately, I feel that I have not found the answer to this question yet. But, I plan to act on my beliefs such as my desire to join the Peace Corps after college. Perhaps one day, I will be able to answer my question.

I feel that my strongest quality is my individuality. Although, I view my individuality as hypocritical in nature, it is still an essential part of my identity. Individuality allows me the freedom to think for myself. Many people follow the mainstream culture in America. Certain clothes, music, Presidential candidates all are "cool" at one point or the other. But unfortunately, people choose their clothes, music, Presidential candidates according to what other people like. I'd like to think that I choose things because they appeal to me rather than just to fit in with the crowd.

I have had an especially hard time with this blog. It is much easier going through the day just as an ignorant fool. To examine oneself under a microscope is painful. As humans we like to think that we are good people. I feel that is why I had so much trouble looking for my weaknesses. Although I knew my poor qualities in my mind, I was happier living my life the way it was. It is just so much easier to live a life thinking that I am a great person than actually realizing that I had many flaws in my character. But interestingly enough, I had a harder time complementing myself than critcizing myself. From an early age, I was taught that modesty was a good trait while hubris was not. This applies to many people as they are all taught to be humble. Yet, hiding our flaws and strengths do not make us better people. We just obscure the veracity in our identities. While I am not comfortable with self reflection, it is a necessity. I can live an easier life without considering my identity, but I can live a happier life by considering what I really am.

The energy to rise up in the morning

It was the last day of eighth grade. School was only in session for two hours that day and our grades were already given out. There was no purpose for that day other than to say our goodbyes to the teachers. The first four periods went by rather quickly. Each teacher repeated the same routine, wishing us a good summer and luck at the high school. Then fifth period came along and I headed off to Mrs. Marganski’s social studies class. When I arrived, I found most of my classmates already there. Everyone was laughing and happy, pleased about the fact that there was less than two hours of school left. As the bell rang, Mrs. Marganski got up and called us to attention.
“Guys, I want to tell a story about my father.”
I rolled my eyes, and quickly glanced at the clock. I thought to myself, “Why can’t we just have this time to talk among ourselves? It’s the last day of school.”
Obviously not aware of my inner thoughts, Mrs. Marganski went on with her story.
“When I was younger, my father worked in Sikorsky as a mechanist.”
Looking around the room, I could see that many of my classmates were alike in mind. We all just wanted for school to end. Even nature agreed as the sun’s rays shined vividly into the trailer classroom. Honestly, I just wanted to blank out. But because Mrs. Marganski was one of my favorite teachers in middle school, I listened.
“My father hated his job. He never wanted to work as a mechanist. Every morning he would look sullen as he headed off to work. My point is that you should find careers that you will enjoy. In fifteen to twenty years, as you wake up each morning you will have the energy to get up from bed out of your passion for your work.”
I wasn’t waiting to run out of the classroom door now. Somehow I knew that she was being genuine to us. As a result, I have been forever changed by her words. As I left her classroom that day, I pondered on the meaning of her words. Four years later, and in my final year in high school I am still wondering about these words. There is no doubt that Mrs. Marganski’s words have fundamentally altered my approach to life. Before high school I had no academic focus. I was headed on the fast track to becoming a generic Asian. For the most part, I excelled in math and I was deathly afraid of English. My parents are both scientists so I was naturally expected to follow their paths into that field. But until that day, I never consciously thought about how I was actually living my life. Reflecting back, I was not living the life that I wanted, but rather I was living the life my parents wanted me to live. But with my social studies teacher’s words, I started thinking about my own identity as Zhihao Li. Four years later, my self identification process has brought me to the classes I take today. Four years earlier, I would have never imagined that English would be my favorite class. Never in my wildest dreams or nightmares would I have imagined that I would want to go to college for the liberal arts. English was a class that I constantly feared. All my relatives were science or math majors. I could have easily followed the well paved path into being a science major. I probably would have, if not for Mrs. Marganski’s plea for me to find my own identity and passion.

Carpe Diem

Success in the form of money, or a position in a company, or other societal and materialistic aspirations is not what holds the value of one’s life. When one dies, unless one is extraordinarily famous, one will be forgotten in a generation or two. Human beings all have dreams and goals, but most people fail to attain those aspirations. Too often, people rely on other’s opinion as a measure of value. For many, Academic grades reflect success or failure on an assignment. If one receives an “A” on one’s essay, then it is considered a success; anything else is considered a failure. We as human beings rely too much on the opinions of the people around us. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” Too often in the world, people spend all their lives frittering about what other people think of them. They aren’t living for themselves; they are living for others.
I believe that the single most important thing in life is to realize that the individual, not the society holds true power. Even though we are taught to believe in a system of “majority rules” unfortunately the majority is often wrong. Emerson said, “To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.” Once I can truly adhere to that statement I can say that my life has value. Even though I believe in Emerson’s words, I still am immersed in society’s influences. No matter how hard I try, my beliefs are still influenced by other people such as Emerson. The concept of the individual is something that I hold dear to my heart. I have been brought up by parents who emphasize tradition. Emerson and Thoreau inspire me to pave my own path in life, rather than to follow the well-worn path taken by many people of similar ethnical origin to me. Thoreau once said that, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” I feel that Thoreau’s insight applies to many people. Too many people choose to lead practical lives. Too many people resign themselves to jobs in a cubicle when they should be pursuing their dreams. After all, when one is on one’s deathbed, does it really matter if that person has money saved from a job that they hated? Is that security really worth giving up a dream?
The Peace Corps is something that I would really like to experience in life. There are so many people that are suffering in this world. While many of my classmates (myself included) moan and groan about college applications, there are many children in this world that would die for the opportunities that we have. The things we take for granted such as education, free speech, and even the basic necessity of clean water are not available in many places in the world. To that end, I would like to give back to the people that we as a nation took advantage of. If continents such as Africa were not ravaged of their natural resources, if their people were not enslaved by imperialistic invaders, if their environment were not polluted the wealthy first world countries then they may not have the rates of extreme poverty and disease that exist there today. By joining the Peace Corps, I hope to educate people and give them a chance in this world.
With the Peace Corps, I also hope to acquire experience in different cultures. I realize that my perspectives on the world are extremely limited. For most of my life, I have been raised in suburban communities, which to say the least is not the best place to acquire different perspectives on life. Before I die, I hope to stay in every country in the world. There are so many different cultures in this world that I am completely ignorant of. As I want to harness a greater understanding of the meaning of life, it is necessary to explore different cultures and their traditions.
My greatest materialistic ambition is to write a book on my views. Unfortunately, I realize that few if at all any people in this world can make a living on writing what they believe in. Somehow, realistically I have to balance the desire for a dream and the necessity to make a living. This is hard for me, as it undermines the principle that I believe in: To follow your dreams rather than to succumb to the pressures of society. But, in some way I will write a book before I die. It might never be read by anyone except for my own eyes, but that doesn’t matter. The book is a validation of my own life, of my own beliefs and dreams. The book’s purpose is for me and not for anyone else.
On the other hand, before I die I would like to influence and change at least one person’s life for better. Through what role I achieve this does not matter. I could be a teacher, professor, friend, parent, or stranger to the person. What matters to me is that I change a person’s outlook on life. When I die, chances are that I will not be remembered as a great historical figure. But most people in life are in the same situation that I am in. That isn’t something that should be pitied because our beliefs are remembered by the people that we influence. Physical life is a very short thing, but our beliefs are always alive as long as someone in the world remembers them.
I remember reading The Great Gatsby in sophomore year English. To be honest, I hated and detested the book until the last page. But the last page describes clearly the purpose of life.

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…. And one fine morning-
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. (189)

The meaning of life is quite clear. All humans will die one day. We cannot change the inevitable. But whether our lives are purposeful depend on us. We can be “the mass of men that lead lives of quiet desperation” as described by Thoreau. Or we can be like Gatsby who tried to obtain his dream even when it was long past him. That is the purpose of life: to keep trying and to “beat on, boats against the current” even when failure is inevitable.

What is a hero?

What is a hero? Or rather what makes a hero? There are many definitions of the word “hero”. Everyone’s definition of hero is unique. There is no universal truth of the word “hero”. It could be a soldier, a firefighter, a writer, a businessman, a sports star. A person can perceive the word hero in an infinite number of ways. But for concrete purposes, heroes are people that overcome significant dilemmas and ultimately become a better person. Huck Finn is a hero in the sense that he breaks away from society in order to help Jim obtain his freedom. Luke Skywalker is a hero as he overcomes his fear of the dark side in order to save the universe. But what makes a hero unique from an ordinary person is his ability to appeal to the reader emotions and moral values. In that sense, I consider Darth Vader to be a hero too, as he overcomes the dark side and stops the emperor from killing Luke. George Lucas is appealing to the reader’s sense of family with Vader’s inner conflict. The concept of family has been ingrained in our minds with words such as trust, love, and dependence. Lucas uses these basic values to appeal to the reader both morally and emotionally. Vader has the responsibility of being a father and the responsibility of serving his master. Ultimately as his responsibility as a father wins out, the good versus evil conflict is resolved.

Women can certainly be heroes. I would consider Joan of Arc to be a hero as she rises up against the British to help her country. Perhaps the definition of a hero can also include some martyr like traits. A hero should be willing to die for his or her cause in order to achieve a greater good. Yet, there are significantly less female heroes in literature when compared to the male heroes. Society’s stereotypical image of females contributes to the lack of women heroes in literature. For the most part, the man has been viewed as the protector of the family while the woman has been the homemaker. In many cultures the male is looked upon with much more respect than the female. China, for example, has a disproportionate male to female ratio ever since the enactment of the One Child law. The male child is looked upon with more respect because he continues the family and inherits the land. Even in developed countries such as the United States, many women change their last names upon marriage. Therefore signifying that the male has the more important last name and continues the family line. Women can be heroic, but the image that comes up with the word “hero” is a well-built, muscular man. This image has been ingrained in our minds through popular culture such as movies like Indiana Jones.

Heroes by my definition all show moral conduct. They are essentially glorified role models that take an epic adventure. Take Frodo for instance, he suffers from the dilemma of desire versus responsibility. Ultimately he succeeds, choosing the better moral decision of saving the whole rather than pursuing his own individual selfish needs. To be a hero, a person has to sacrifice their individual ambition for the greater social good. The person has to be able demonstrate his ability to display the goods morals of society such as selflessness and charity.

Humans do need heroes because heroes bring out the positive aspects of society. In a society where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, where the politician is almost certainly a liar; it is necessary to have heroes to show people that man can be morally good. As Bertolt Brecht once said, “Unhappy the land that needs heroes.” Heroes provide happiness to humans because they are perceived as the ultimate human goodness. Even though they might have had a significant flaw, they overcame the flaw, put their life on the line for the greater good. They are what most people would like to be remembered as but rarely are.