Who am I?

Know Thyself. What does that mean? To know oneself is to understand one’s capabilities, restrictions, values, thought process, and behavior. Or it can be the ability to discover one’s true identity. The expression “Know Thyself” is very malleable. Many people have different definitions of what it means to know thyself. Whether it is some grand romantic ideal to discover one’s true essence, or something as simple as recognizing one’s behavior patterns; the expression “Know Thyself” is invaluable in human insight. Self knowledge has many uses. One can find one’s strengths, to find one’s limitations on one’s abilities. In addition, one can use self knowledge to understand oneself. For many people the idea of self knowledge is frightening, some people are scared to discover their flaws and weaknesses. For other people, they are afraid to look for their strengths because their entire lives have been spent in self degradation. Nevertheless, knowing oneself is essential because as one begins to know oneself, one begins to understand the personalities and natures of other people. For me, self discovery is the first step to a fuller and more complete comprehension of the world.

Although I would rather not admit it, my weakness is my hypocritical nature. While I fervently argue for Thoreau’s ideals, I contradict them with my lifestyle. I take advantage of many materialistic things such as my cell phone, video games, and the laptop that I use to write this blog with. Additionally, Thoreau once said "Simplify. Simplify. Simplify." I wish I could live by that statement but that would be a lie. Constantly, I am fretting about college and school. Often times I complicate things that should be simple. But above all, I sit at home and comfortably enjoy the benefits of technology. Thoreau lived in the woods for two years. As a result, he can justify his beliefs through his experiences. Regrettably, I have not yet set up a tent in my backyard.

Living with an awareness of my hypocrisy is not easy. In the past, I would just ignore it. Deep inside I knew I was the very thing that I hated but I kept that to myself. Yet, living a lie is not something that I want to do. Consequently, I have spent many hours pondering on my identity. The essential question for me is: "If my actions and beliefs contradict, then who am I?" Unfortunately, I feel that I have not found the answer to this question yet. But, I plan to act on my beliefs such as my desire to join the Peace Corps after college. Perhaps one day, I will be able to answer my question.

I feel that my strongest quality is my individuality. Although, I view my individuality as hypocritical in nature, it is still an essential part of my identity. Individuality allows me the freedom to think for myself. Many people follow the mainstream culture in America. Certain clothes, music, Presidential candidates all are "cool" at one point or the other. But unfortunately, people choose their clothes, music, Presidential candidates according to what other people like. I'd like to think that I choose things because they appeal to me rather than just to fit in with the crowd.

I have had an especially hard time with this blog. It is much easier going through the day just as an ignorant fool. To examine oneself under a microscope is painful. As humans we like to think that we are good people. I feel that is why I had so much trouble looking for my weaknesses. Although I knew my poor qualities in my mind, I was happier living my life the way it was. It is just so much easier to live a life thinking that I am a great person than actually realizing that I had many flaws in my character. But interestingly enough, I had a harder time complementing myself than critcizing myself. From an early age, I was taught that modesty was a good trait while hubris was not. This applies to many people as they are all taught to be humble. Yet, hiding our flaws and strengths do not make us better people. We just obscure the veracity in our identities. While I am not comfortable with self reflection, it is a necessity. I can live an easier life without considering my identity, but I can live a happier life by considering what I really am.